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December 28, 2004
Roll on 2005
Let me be frank about this. Besides my brother and sister-in-law's magnificent wedding in April, the purchase of their home recently, and one or two other brief moments of glory for me this year, 2004 has not been a particularly good year for me or my family. And as the year draws to a close, without wanting to go in to much detail, I really can't quite believe how things just continue to go downhill for me.
In the extended entry to this post, I am probably revealing far too much about my character, but right now I'm going to be cathartic and do it anyway, because it's the season for reflection - and I've been doing a lot of that lately.
On a brighter note, I did have a great evening with friends yesterday, and I feel extremely blessed to have so many friends and family to love and to spend time with - even if only by text message, email or phone call - when things aren't perhaps going as well as I might wish. So thanks to all those who have been in contact of late. I love you all, and I'm hopeful that 2005 brings us all much peace, happiness and prosperity.
The extended bit....
I think I may be one of those rather unique people who finds de-stressing stressful. So far this Christmas season, and at the dawn of a new era of my life, I'm only managing an hour or two of sleep per night and I've lost three kilos. If I eat much Christmas fare my gut simply rejects it and I feel sick, and when I try and relax and watch the cricket, go for a walk or have a swim, my mind plays horrible tricks on me and makes me think about all the things I really should be doing rather than enjoying myself. Classic anhedonistic behaviour, I know, but I've been a perfectionist for most of my life, and I don't see things changing any time soon.
Of course I'm supposed to be de-stressing. But somehow even this quiet time by myself and without the constant stream of work piling up on my desk, I have created for myself a whole new range of sources of workload in the absence of the one I have had before.
The thing is, I'm not sure that life is going to change dramatically for me, regardless of the change to my career. I'd like for it to change. I'd like it a lot. I'd like nothing better than for most aspects of my life, professional and personal, to be revolutionised. It's just that I have a sneaking suspicion that I make my own fate, and that somehow, I will muddle on, striving for something out of my reach. Judy Garland was once recorded in a moment of alcohol-ridden weakness, saying that she'd spent her whole life trying to get to that place over the rainbow, and no matter what she tried and how she struggled, she just could never get there. Was horrible to listen to, but it struck me as I listened to the recording that most of us on this earth want the same thing - something more pure, more stable, more peaceful and more free. I guess for me though, while I'd like to achieve all those things, I am glad that at least I have the opportunity to strive for something more. And even if things don't change in future, I can take some heart in believing that I'm working for others as well as myself. And that in the end, I guess I'm just not wired to ever be truly satisfied with my lot.
Posted by jj at December 28, 2004 9:04 AM
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Mate - You'll work this out. It's not easy, and I'm not sure I've got it sussed yet myself, but you may find the following of some use:
12 Steps to Wisdom and a Calmer Karma
1. Surrender to the fact that life isn't fair
A liberating feeling because it stops us feeling sorry for ourselves. We can still do our best to improve our lives and the world with what we have.
2. Make peace with imperfection
Most peoples lives are okay the way they are. Don't be overly focused on what's wrong. The need for perfection and desire for tranquillity conflict one another.
3. Imagine yourself at your own funeral
A little scary but an effective reminder of what's important. On their deathbed most people wish their priorities had been different. Look back at your life while you still have the chance to change.
4. When you die your in-tray won't be empty
Too many of us live at top speed, trying to get everything done in a day. In reality nearly everything can wait. Focus on work and it will get done, it will be done more easily if your life is filled with love rather than checklists.
5. Practise ignoring your negative thoughts
We all have feelings of anger, fear or pessimism but pay less attention. More peaceful feelings are only a moment away. Then, with your mind at ease, wisdom and commonsense should kick in and advise you what to do for the best.
6. Think of your problems as potential teachers
Instead of pushing them away, which leads to greater stress, embrace them and learn the lessons. If you identify which of your actions lead to problems and behave differently, problems begin to go away.
7. Be happy where you are
Don't think - "One day I'll be happy - when the bills are paid, when I get promoted, when I get married or have a baby." The best time is right now! Life will always present challenges. It's best to admit this and be happy. Life is not the way to happiness, life is the way.
8. Cut yourself some slack
Can be summed up as "I'm not okay, you're not okay, and that's okay." Give yourself a break. No one is going to bat 100% or come even close. What's important is that you're doing your best and moving in the right direction.
9. Give up the idea that more is better
As long as you think this, you'll never be satisfied. It squelches our appreciation for life and our many blessings. It's not saying that you can't ever want more than you have - only that your happiness shouldn't depend on it.
10. Choose being kind over being right
It's tempting to put others down or correct them on something. We mistakenly believe that if we do this, we must be right and will therefore feel better. If you want to be peaceful and happier, you have to allow others to be right some of the time. It's okay for you to be right but not if you insist upon it.
11. Remember - relaxed people can be super-achievers
Don't worry that if you stop being harried and competitive you will stop achieving. The opposite is true. Fear drains creativity and energy. Inner peace will make you less distracted by your desires and concerns, more able to focus on your goals, more giving to others.
12. Live this day as if it is were your last
You never know. It could be, and it could be the last day for the friend you're just about to let down. We act as if we're going to live forever and postpone the things we know we want to do.
Posted by: jeremy at December 30, 2004 12:57 PM
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